18 May 2014
A Theory About Frenchmen
PsychologyParisDouchebagsDatingSadismSexFrenchmenGirlsFranceLove
I don't really want this to become a dating blog. I'm not the second coming of Carrie Bradshaw, however I get very 'rah rah sisterhood' with men who treat women like shit. I was raised by a strong female who taught me never to put up with any guy's shit so I get protective of women who are naive and fall for it. Usually I'm very good at spotting the behavior but my radar has obviously been malfunctioning as of late.
I met someone that was not supposed to be more than a sexual relationship (as I explained in the Julien post). I still wasn't over the whole Cedric thing, and I wasn't interested in someone to date, date. I wanted to avoid the headache that came along with it, and all the girly emotions, and I figured a friends with benefits is the way to go.
Sam lives everywhere. I'm not being facticious. He would say he spends a lot of time in Singapore and France, but really he's everywhere. We spend a lot of our time chatting through gtalk/hangouts and chatting that much gives you A LOT of time to get to know the other person so he has become someone I'm very close to. I tell him everything, and I would say he knows me better than anyone ever has (even better than my gay boyfriend). The good and the bad, and actually more of the bad becuase I'm a bratty little bitch sometimes, and it's pretty easy to be honest with someone when you can hide behind a computer.
Being one of my closest friends and confidant, he helps me sort through it all. He's also older than I am and I joke that because he's an old man he has more sage wisdom. In actuality he's only 36. My last boyfriend was 36 so I'm not an ageist or anything. I guess my vintage for men is 1978.
I tell him about the men I go out with but he knows I'm naive, which I am capable of admitting. My relationship history is very, very short. I date but when I speak of relationships I mean commitments. For me that is the only time sex is involved. I guess in his world I'm a newb (apparently the American concept of dating is hard to understand). So I think he feels he has to warn me or protect me from getting hurt.
He knows about Cedric. He knew about Julien. I've told him about all of the weirdos with girlfriends. And he boils these horrible experiences down to his theory on Frenchmen.
Sam is French by the way, well half, but he spent his formative years all over the world. I think he considers himself lucky he got spared the French mindset and ended up with his British half.
So this theory is an interesting one. It's not completely his own. It's based off some psychological study and the many, many women he knows. I have only had the displeasure of being with two Frenchmen so I'm going to avoid taring them all with the same brush (I really hate making generalities), but I have to sadly admit everything said was on point. And after my last experience, which is when Sam brought these charming little traits up, it made some sense. I recognized exactly what he brought up and felt ashamed for falling for it. This is apparently the behavior that Sam is always trying to warn me about:
The first time I experienced this was actually with Cedric and I remember thinking how weird it was because it was new to me. I didn't quite understand how someone could use mental warfare but hey it does work. It can turn even the most strong willed female into a needy, clingy, doubting, former shell of herself.
It is an interesting theory though, and I hate to admit being an unwilling participant in it. I don't plan to ever experience it again but to all the ladies out there hopefully you'll recognize this pattern before you get sucked in and tell whomever to take a fucking hike. No woman deserves to put up with some reverse psychology bullshit.
I'm not going to generalize about all Frenchmen though based on the actions of two. I've had girlfriends who have had bad experiences too but hopefully just like other countries, there's good and bad. And I prefer not to think negatively about people. One of my friends is the nicest guy you could meet. He's a bit of a traditionalist, but that's probably because his heritage is not French-French, but he doesn't have any of those traits. I'm going to decide to keep my optimistic, nurture versus nature view of people. I think being untrusting of everyone would mean the assholes have won. And I'm a stubborn bitch who refuses to lose.