29 January 2014
And We Won't Stop
Moving AbroadParisDatingCatfishInternet DatingFranceMoving to FranceTravelLove
Because I am stubborn, and I was going to do this Paris thing if it killed me, I soldiered on.
One thing that was kind of driving me was this guy that I had met online.
The Dangers of Internet Dating
Being American and not a student I was really worried about how I was going to meet new people. I have no problem meeting people at home, but how do you do it when there's a language barrier? And you don't really have any way of meeting them?
I tried to find places to do so and unfortunately went the craigslist route.
Craigslist is ok if you want to sell things or you have to look for a job but using it abroad has given me nothing but bad experiences. I don't know if it's because it's mostly English speaking and hence French people don't really use it or what, but in addition to Nigerian scam artists, freaks with fetishes also abound.
My first experience with this was a guy named Vi who seemed interesting enough. Granted his email handle was doom.rousselot/Maître Rousselot so maybe that should have given me some indication that he might have been a 12 year old living in his parents basement in Minnesota who spends his days playing World of Warcraft and listening to Cannibal Corpse. However he seemed really interesting when we began to email. He said he was a lawyer, who spent too much time at work and not out meeting people. It was nice to meet someone who liked the same books and movies, and shared a lot of the same interests. We would spend hours writing each other these long emails. I actually began to really like him and couldn't believe I could meet someone like that on CL. Or at least I liked what i thought I knew about him.
Unfortunately he ended up being into some S&M type thing (and not in a hot, "I like it like that" way. More Maquis de Sade-y), and in a four year relationship. He disappeared when he was called on it. To this day I can't walk past Tour Saint-Jaques without knowing that branleur lives in the building overlooking it.
My next foray came from a response to an ad I had posted. I don't trust guys who respond to a w4w ad, mostly because a) they can't read and I don't do stupid, and b) he's probably some asshat who thinks he can "change a lesbian's mind". My ad wasn't for anything lesbionic so my guess was Simon was a plonker or he thought he'd weasel his way in by going a different route?
Any way of course when he messaged me I grilled him on it. I am annoyingly blunt and have a hard time holding back so good on him for passing round 1. He didn't seem thirsty and he didn't ask for a photo so I didn't think he was in it for more than (did I mention I am very naive? I had one long term relationship that gave me arrested development so this whole doucebags everywhere thing is new to me). He gave me some tips on what I should do and see, and we even made plans to view some of them. but then he started saying Paris is cold this time of year and it isn't so bad when you have someone in your bed to make it less so. I knew I should have gone with my gut instincts.
But the best thing was one day when he asked if I got jealous becuase he doesn't. I felt off put by that comment so I probed him and then he mentioned he had a girlfriend, that he lived with, and that he didn't see a problem cheating on. *palm to forehead* The creeper always creeps up on you. We actually had to discuss why this was bad. It was like I was explaining to a small child why fire will burn you, or why you shouldn't put plastic bags over your head. What kind of warped view of relationships do you have to possess to think this is okay? Cheating is horrible and you shouldn't do it children.
In the end he could not be convinced, and I really hope for his girlfriend's sake she gets a fucking clue. I'd really like to know why Frenchwomen put up with it? If this was America his dick would be hacked off with a butter knife, his clothes would be on fire in the backyard and a trick would be busting his car windows with a baseball bat while Kraeyshawn's Left Eye plays in the background. Homie don't play.
The Wisdom I Learned...
Unfortunately my sage advice for meeting new people? I don't really have any. Maybe in the future I'll be able to give some tips but in the meantime avoid Craigslist. No seriously, stay far away from it. No matter what country, no matter what language, Craigslist is the same creepy little message board it is in the US. If you're into a random NSA hookup by all means, (although wouldn't Tindr be easier?), but if you're truly looking to make friends, look elsewhere. The guys, in my experience, are all creepers, and the girls are all escorts. And if you do decide to give it a go at least ignore anyone with the aforementioned email addresses (unless that's your thing, then go ahead and drop them a line).
So Now I Got Some Cold Feet
To be honest with you I wasn't really feeling it anymore. After all the hiccups I figured Paris was probably not meant to be and maybe I should use my savings towards something else (like shoes!). Screw a learning experience (the signs were all pointing to "don't do it, turn back now"). I probably should have listened to all of the warning signs. But the other part of me was like you've already paid for it, and most people would kill to live in Paris for a few months, do it, see how it goes, and if anything it will be something you can laugh about later on.
Unhuh. Should have listened to my pessimistic side.
